Thursday, April 18, 2013

What we have learned thus far

Processing.....Processing.. Processing...

Yesterday I received all the information we have gathered from my month of tests. For the sake of time I will list for you what the doctor printed for me ;

Ovarian Dysfunction
Medications needed: Misoprostol , HCG Injections, progesterone
Medications: Levothyroxine
Treatment: Surgery
Vitamin Deficiency
Daily tablets needed

The break down :

          I think I had a vision in my head of walking into the sunset after surgery, hand in hand with my husband , babies just over the next hill. I felt like the surgery was going to be my cure all, my one and only treatment, but, God has other plans.
Yesterday I learned I will never be able to conceive and carry to term on my own, unless there is an act of God, which I am not ruling out. I will need to take oral medications , inject myself with HCG , change my diet, and be treated, forever. All this is a giant reminder that I am broken, I am sinful, I am not in my glorified form. This is what stuck with me, not that I need these treatments but why I need them. I am in disbelieve a little too, that my body is so unwelcome to life. How can my heart and my womb be so off base, don't they converse about our plan? Maybe so, maybe they do want the same things, that doesn't mean God does. He allowed this brokenness, He has a larger plan for us , like I have said before, a plan that will , we hope, get us to Heaven, a place where our babies already reside. So I am trying to keep my focus on the cross, I am longing to be with my Beloved, and my heart is filled with peace, knowing this is His desire too. Will these next few months bring some struggle, sure, but that does not mean all is lost. There is glory, grace and Goodness at work here, my prayer is that we are open to receiving it.
       That being said, am I sad? YES ! I am tender, I am willing to walk this path , to carry this cross, but, my heart does sink a little. I could easily go on a rant about all those little perfect couples who get pregnant without effort, or, the young girls who treat a child like an infection and cut them out. However, I will not { that didn't count ,right?} I do not want to let hate into my heart, I cannot get upset every time God's will for us is not the same as His will for you. I can however, take my sadness to Him, offer it as a consolation for His sufferings and rest joyfully with my Friend. So please dear loved ones, keep praying for us, our cross looks differently than we pictured and we need a few Simons to help .


  1. Prayers for you friend! God gives each one of us our own Cross, and they are never easy. But the cross of infertility is especially hard (IMHO). I will pray that God gives you the grace and strength to carry this cross, and to God willing one day lay down this cross too.